Obesity, Shame & A Growing Problem

Last weekend I went to ballgame and watched our local team get stomped. I had no idea that the young lady behind me would also be a horrific distraction. It was the bottom of the fifth, bases were loaded and all I heard was…

“Can you believe she’s wearing that? What is wrong with her? Surely she looks in a full-length mirror before she goes out of the house. If I was that fat, I think I’d want to die.”

If you know me, I bet you know I was utterly horrified. At first, I thought these scarring words came from a grown-up. That doesn’t make it okay, but in my mind I couldn’t fathom a teenage girl saying those things. Because saying them means she learned them, she likely heard them in her home and now judges others by them. The recipient of such harsh judgment, I hope, heard nothing as she walked up the stadium steps in her cut-offs and tank. I remember thinking how confident the young lady seemed in her outfit. The young lady just so happened to be overweight. Does that make her fair game for spewing hateful remarks or being judged because of her size? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

My mind was reeling. I wanted to cry for girl who didn’t even hear the horrible things that were said about her. My hands wanted to jerk up the girl behind me and let her have it telling her that I hope she never feels as harshly judged. So, I collected my thoughts, sat on for a few days and decided to write about the experience.  And then, I saw this headline.

‘Fat shaming’ actually increases risk of becoming or staying obese, new study says

For those of us working in the field of eating disorders (which includes many persons who are overweight), we are familiar with the term “weight stigma.” We know that, for some reason, it’s an unfortunately accepted form of discrimination and prejudice.  I can tell you until I’m blue in the face that if shame worked, no one would have a weight issue, but clearly some people just don’t get it. On the same day the above article posted, NPR.org posted an article titled Hating on Fat People Just Makes them Fatter. In the post, Angelina Sutin, Florida-based psychologist stated

“People often rationalize that it’s OK to discriminate based on weight because it will motivate the victim to lose pounds, but our findings suggest the opposite.”

It’s time we reconsider our shame-based strategies. If you’ve learned it (or taught it) in your home or practice it in your office please think about what you’re really doing. If you think you need to tell someone they’re overweight, newsflash, they live in that body. Just because something pops into your head doesn’t mean it should pop out of your mouth. If you need a little help watch this video about fat-talk and the damage it does. Because one day, when my little girl gets older and could come to your office or play with your kid, she won’t.